The List: Top 10 Worst Films of 2014

Trying to play catch-up, I present to you my worst of the worst for the year of 2014. I wasn't able to get a lot of reviews up for the year, so maybe these shorter versions; summing up the crap being listed, might make up for it.

10. The Monuments Men

A movie that should work just based off talent alone, but is completely misguided in every way. Star/Director George Clooney assembles a cast that includes Matt Damon, Bill Murray and John Goodman and tells a true tale about men who are tasked with recovering fine arts for preservation during World War II before they are destroyed by the Germans. A really solid idea wasted on a horrendous script that doesn't know what genre it wants to be and wastes the opportunity to tell a fascinating true tale.


9. A Million Ways to Die in the West

Already not being a fan of "Ted", and watching trailers and commercials that did not make me laugh, I had a strong feeling that this film was going to be a chore to sit through. And I'm happy to report, that "A Million Ways to Die in the West" didn't disappoint. Seth MacFarlane proves once again why he is not leading actor material, as he makes a Western film with current day sensibilities. Gross-out jokes fall flat, cameos add nothing and the talents of Liam Neeson, Charlize Theron and Giovanni Ribisi (among others) just stands around with their talents completely thrown aside.


8. RoboCop

The definition of a bad remake. Removing all of the interesting parts of the original, brilliant RoboCop and replacing the satire with Samuel L. Jackson ham-fisting you with his satire and giving you generic, boring Joel Kinnaman as RoboCop. Stripping away all the good elements and adding nothing of interest will only ensure your movie will cement itself in history as the terrible remake of a classic film.

7. Transcendence

And speaking of wasting talent, we come to The Lawnmower Man Transcendence. Johnny Depp plays a scientist who wants to live forever in cyberspace. I really hated this movie. Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy and Rebecca Hall can all try to hide this film from their resume while Johnny Depp will be forgiven after his next outing as Jack Sparrow.

6. Drive Hard

John Cusack's e-cig and Thomas Jane's hair star in this wannabe action/comedy that is neither full of action or laughs. Not that this has anything to do with the film itself, but it took me longer to find a poster that would work on this site than to type this information about it. Almost as if the site didn't want anything to do with this film. Also, this is from John Cusack on his Twitter when asked by me: "Was it your choice to use an e-cig in Drive Hard or was it already written into the script?" John Cusack reply: "We really didn't use any of the script". That should tell you all you need to know about Drive Hard.

5. Rage

What would a worst of the year list be without Nicolas Cage making an appearance? A bad movie with no redeeming "fun factor". Nicolas Cage's daughter is murdered, he sets out and administers his..."RAGE"! Ugh, his hair, as usual, is its own character but none of the other characters make even the slightest impression and once the movie is over, you kinda hate yourself for wasting your valuable time on it.

4. I, Frankenstein

Any end of the year list has to include a film from the notorious dumping ground of films known as: January. My vote goes to this boring, Underworld-wannabe with Aaron Eckhart phoning in his performance as the most boring version of Frankenstein's Creature yet. And when your film can't even reach the bland, boring levels of the Underworld franchise, that should tell you something.

3. Transformers: Age of Extinction

Fuck Michael Bay and this abomination! Almost 3 hours long? 3! Too much time has been wasted just powering through this film that I wont waste another second on it.

2. Bad Words

Even though I enjoy Jason Bateman overall, this knocked him down a few pegs for me. Everything about this movie missed its intended marks. While discovering a loophole in a spelling bee contest, Bateman's character is determined to beat all the other kids and win. Not just the dumb idea, but the cliched reasoning behind the film along with a character that the audience can't sympathize with makes this film arduous to sit through. This films complete failure shows how hard it is to make a good dark comedy.

1. Left Behind

Ah, Nicolas Cage and his hair returning to the list to claim the top spot! Based on the hilariously awful film trilogy, Nicolas Cage slumps to new lows as a pilot in the middle of the Rapture. Cheap effects, wooden acting and no sense of fun torpedo this film. If director Vic Armstrong had let Nicolas Cage off his leash, this could have had some camp factor. Alas, he film is so solemn and serious that one cannot even enjoy how bad this film truly is. And if you can't laugh at yourself, you make Left Behind.

Another year, another crop of bad films. Nicolas Cage continues to be a staple on my list as do expensive films for no reason. The one thing I am happy to report is that most of these films were either box office bombs or so bad that they didn't even bother with releasing the film to theaters. Now, if everyone could stop seeing Michael Bay's Transformers saga, then the world might be a better place.

Left Behind

Ahahaha, oh, man. I take multiple months off and my triumphant return is this? Maybe it's best I stayed away.

Anyway, the "big budget", and I use the term loosely, remake of the Kirk Cameron trilogy based off the religious books beginning with the same name inspired by the ultimate book of fairy tales: the Bible, stars Nicolas Cage and his hair as Rayford Steele, (!) a pilot on a transatlantic flight when the Rapture begins. Ray's wife, Irene (Lea Thompson) has become invested in Christianity which separates the two. Ray's daughter Chole (Cassi Thomson) has flown in for Ray's birthday, but unbeknownst to her, Ray is booking it to Europe for a fling with a flight attendant and average tickets to a U2 concert.

Also hanging around is Cameron "Buck" Williams (Chad Michael Murray) who takes an interest in Chole but decides to board with Ray. While midway through the flight, some adults and all children go missing; leaving clothes and all personal possessions behind. On the ground, Chloe experiences the same dilemma including her now-missing mother (apparently Lea Thompson's check cleared).

A bunch of bad special effects and stilted dialogue scenes later, the film ends. There really isn't much to say about this film. Everyone involved has less than zero interest and the film is inept in delivering any sense of mystery or care about the characters. The biggest sin, though, might be the fact that this film can't even be enjoyed on a "so bad it's good" level. Director Vic Armstrong provides no sense of joy or fun to the proceedings and instead treats this film with the tone of an ethics professor lecturing. Even Nicolas Cage's hair decided to leave its sense of fun at home.

All the bad things you heard about this film are true.

1.8/10